When I first decided to share my writings with the world back in 2017, I was doing it for one main reason. It’s simple, I love to write. However, that love soon began to feel like a commitment I didn’t have the time for anymore. With the lack of time, and fear of losing my craft I began to try and fill the void with useless pieces. Something I certainly wouldn’t recommend. More and more I would write personal pieces and keep them to myself, and only share pieces I thought would appeal to others while not giving up a part of my privacy. In this life, it’s hard to be who you are without being judged, it’s hard asking for help without being viewed as weak, and it is hard standing up for something when all others want to do is knock you down. However, a lesson that I’ve also learned is, I cannot blame others for my misfortunes or reasons why I choose to do things. I can only blame myself. I blame myself for wanting to be a little more to myself, I blame myself for wanting to share less, and I blame myself for simply not giving a damn any longer.
I don’t have the time to move how I used to, or write how I want to. Not because I’m lazy or “over it”, but because I am currently chasing another dream that requires much more of my time, time that I barely have to give. Life is all about balance and choosing to do the things we have to now, in order to get where we want to be later. Am I tired of leaving my home at the crack of dawn and not returning until late? Yes. Am I tired of being too exhausted to enjoy the simple things like the movies? Absolutely. Lastly, I am tired of turning down dates because I know I’ll be too tired to even attempt a second one. I am tired. However, this is the life I chose to live at this moment. When I first decided to start writing, it was my escape, it was my hope it was my everything. Unfortunately, even some of the things you love the most have to take a back seat in your life, in order to move forward.
By all means, do not take this as my final farewell or me saying I give up. But take it as I will be back later. I will continue writing and I will continue to share. Maybe not today nor tomorrow, but soon. When it’s time.
From my heart to yours.- J