When it’s time.


When I first decided to share my writings with the world back in 2017, I was doing it for one main reason. It’s simple, I love to write. However, that love soon began to feel like a commitment I didn’t have the time for anymore. With the lack of time, and fear of losing my craft I began to try and fill the void with useless pieces. Something I certainly wouldn’t recommend. More and more I would write personal pieces and keep them to myself, and only share pieces I thought would appeal to others while not giving up a part of my privacy. In this life, it’s hard to be who you are without being judged, it’s hard asking for help without being viewed as weak, and it is hard standing up for something when all others want to do is knock you down. However, a lesson that I’ve also learned is, I cannot blame others for my misfortunes or reasons why I choose to do things. I can only blame myself. I blame myself for wanting to be a little more to myself, I blame myself for wanting to share less, and I blame myself for simply not giving a damn any longer.

I don’t have the time to move how I used to, or write how I want to. Not because I’m lazy or “over it”, but because I am currently chasing another dream that requires much more of my time, time that I barely have to give. Life is all about balance and choosing to do the things we have to now, in order to get where we want to be later. Am I tired of leaving my home at the crack of dawn and not returning until late? Yes. Am I tired of being too exhausted to enjoy the simple things like the movies? Absolutely. Lastly, I am tired of turning down dates because I know I’ll be too tired to even attempt a second one. I am tired. However, this is the life I chose to live at this moment. When I first decided to start writing, it was my escape, it was my hope it was my everything. Unfortunately, even some of the things you love the most have to take a back seat in your life, in order to move forward.

By all means, do not take this as my final farewell or me saying I give up. But take it as I will be back later. I will continue writing and I will continue to share. Maybe not today nor tomorrow, but soon. When it’s time.

From my heart to yours.- J

Goodbye 2017

Change, Life, Lifestyle

As the year comes to an end; I’ve decided to take the time and devote my last post of 2017 to the journey that has brought me here and all the experiences I had along the way. I figured this would be the best way to finally get all of those thoughts out of my head. This past year was certainly full of both tears and laughter, lots of joy and some pain, and even love. The way 2017 started was certainly not the ideal as I watched someone I love lose someone they love. Sitting by watching someone try to remain strong is the worst. There is nothing you can do or say to help ease the pain or make the healing time go by faster.  You never think that the last time you get see someone or speak to them, it’s going to be thee last time; It’s heartbreaking. 

 This year I turned 24 and got to spend my birthday in Atlanta for the first time with some amazing people! Considering I was going through my last days of employment with my last job, that vacation couldn’t have come at a better time. It felt so good being away from that hell hole! It was so good that two days after returning I decided to cut my two weeks short and just leave. No f*cks given! By the way, karma catches up with you sooner or later and the person who was making my time there a living hell ended up getting fired. I found that to be quite interesting. However, I would never go back to that place, whether she’s there or not. Moving on.

Something else that surprisingly happened for me is, “the woman who loves single,” became “the woman who tried out a relationship”. Two words, big fail. I won’t say it was a waste of time, however it did teach me a valuable lesson. Good things take time and if it isn’t meant to be let it go!  Another take away from my brief relationship stint was DO NOT RUSH! That was a big part of why it didn’t work out, besides some other things. Lucky for him, the Jackiee I am today won’t allow me to be bashful or rude. However, that relationship made me stronger. It made me realize my worth, made me realize things I won’t accept and most importantly things I don’t need. I had to take it as a lesson learned, nothing more nothing less. Back to being the woman who loves single.

On a happier note, I met some wonderful people this year; I interviewed for some amazing companies and I hit my one year mark on Wanderous Warrior. I went to the cabins with an awesome group of friends; and I opened up to others and let them in which is something I rarely do, yet I am glad I did. I took a guy out on a date for the first time and paid for the entire thing, best date ever btw! Lastly, I learned that even when sparks fly not all flames burn forever. I can honestly say of all things experienced this year, those were certainly most enjoyed.  They say a lot can happen in a year and they’re right. Some of the things that I would have said or done a year ago, are not the things I would do today and I am extremely proud of that. Growth; something we all look for yet not have completely mastered. I removed some toxic people from my circle and I changed some habits without losing myself or disturbing my peace. I also lost it a few times but I didn’t go insane.

I got hurt a bit, but it didn’t break me; and I fell a few times but I got back up stronger. Life truly does go on. I found someone who I thought was the one but later discovered he may be just a really amazing friend instead. You never know what life has in store for you but I am appreciative of all it has given me. This year has certainly changed me in more ways than one but I am so ready for it to be over. I know things won’t change overnight, but I do know they will in due time. I pray that this new year doesn’t swallow me whole or allow anything to hold me back. I pray that I continue to move forward and those around me continue to do the same.

Someone once told me even number years can bring you a lot of luck. I am not sure how true this may be, however I am going to put that out into the universe and let God do his thing!

With love.


The Good in Goodbye.

Life, Lifestyle

During my brief hiatus, I was going through this weird transition / phase in my life where I was extremely unhappy about how things were and are currently going in my life. Anyone who knows me, knows I am never satisfied and the littlest things can make me uneasy. I don’t like this trait about myself however, it pushes me to strive for better and to be better as a person. I don’t enjoy being just comfortable with things because sometimes it makes me too complacent. At all times, I am looking for ways to become better and take all aspects of my life to the next level. Staying in one place for too long has always been a scary thing for me. This weird phase has brought me to where I am now, unhappy.

Lately, I’ve been working on saying goodbye to a lot of things in my life, both personal and professional. Things such as tainted and/or failed relationships, tarnished friendships, worn out clothing and old décor. I’m also learning to let go of old habits and bad behaviors. Saying goodbye does not always have to be a sad thing, especially if you’re doing it for the greater good. From recent experiences, I’ve also learned that holding on to things you need to let go does way more harm than good. For so long I’ve tried to hoard and hold on to those things thinking one day they would bring me some good. However, what I failed to realize was that they weren’t and I refused to allow myself to be wrong.

“I want permanent or nothing at all”

Instead of them bringing me happiness, all they were doing (more so what I was allowing them to do), was park negative energy in my life and keep me in a place I did not belong. Temporary happiness is not something I desire. I want permanent or nothing at all. Saying goodbye is not about me abruptly stopping certain behaviors or tossing out old items, it doesn’t work like that. It’s about the process of doing so and learning how to say it and mean it. I don’t want my life to replicate the movie Groundhog Day, you know the movie where the character is stuck repeating the same day over and over. If possible, I want every day to be better than the last. I know I am going to have some down days, that’s just how life works, but I want to control as much of the good and bad that goes into it as I can.

I know I’ve spoken of saying goodbye numerous times before, but this is just something that is a constant thing for me. I am sick of the reminders of unhappier times and mistakes. It’s like a revolving door that I can’t get out of. I don’t want my life to be some half-assed journey that I did nothing for to help change. But I want to live life the way I am supposed to, I want to live up to my personal legend. I’ve learned that you never truly get used to saying goodbye however it does get a little easier along the way. I truly understand the good in goodbye. – XO J

To Thy Own Self Be True.

Change, Lifestyle

Self-love is so important. I can’t say stress enough how much self-love means to me. Its most important on those days where I am just not feeling like myself, and my confidence is at an all time low. I have to stop, take a minute and remind myself of exactly who I am. With the way society is set up today, everyone is so obsessed with looking the same, that sometimes it makes you second guess yourself. However, I don’t believe that I should ever have to feel this way and the fact that many women and young girls around the world do is such bullshit.

If I had a dollar for every time I chose to write about this topic in school, unfortunately I wouldn’t be rich. But I’d damn sure have enough to say to grasp the attention of the room and to me that’s worth more than money. Last night I was thinking of ways I should do my hair while scrolling through old pictures of myself. I contemplated on adding hair, getting braids or just rocking my real hair. As I finished washing my hair I took a look in the mirror and just stared. I thought to myself of how much easier it would be to just wear weave for a while. Yet then I also thought about how much I actually like the freedom of wearing my real hair. Then just as I was about to doubt myself, I thought of my nephew.

I thought about how much he liked my short hair and how much that meant to me. Out of all the people who tell me they like my short hair, none of their opinions matter as much as his. I’m going to break down to you why. Not only is my nephew just a young kid and is brutally honest (you know kids have no filter), but he doesn’t view me like the world does. In his eyes I am his “TT” and he sees me for exactly who I am. I’m not competing with the Instagram models of the world, I’m not being judged for not looking like everybody else does, and I am being complimented for being myself. Now I’m not saying that everyone is trying to be someone else. But what I am saying is, even when you don’t see yourself as beautiful someone else does, and that isn’t appreciated enough. It’s the little things that go a long way.

“I have to remind myself of who I am”

Sometimes when I get too wrapped up in my looks I think about the people who don’t care if I have a drop of makeup on, or that I’m not out in the spot half naked. I also think about the people who appreciate me for me, and remind me how special I am to them. I am thankful for those people. I am thankful for my brown skin even if others aren’t. I am thankful for my short stature and my thick thighs. I am thankful for every mole and stretch mark. I am thankful for my big ears that I finally grew into. I am thankful that my waist isn’t as small as others and my stomach isn’t as flat. I’m getting older and my body is changing. I am thankful for that.

Importantly, I am thankful that even on my shittest of days, I know I have people who still “see me.” Lastly, I am thankful that over the years I’ve gained the confidence that I have now. If you can’t be true to yourself, then whom are you being true to?

Cutting off Loose Ends

Change, Lifestyle

“A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life.” – Coco Chanel

The first time I decided to cut my hair back in 2014, I did it because I was bored and sick of my usual style. Another reason was I got tired of being comfortable. I knew that feeling wasn’t going to change unless I forced myself outside my comfort zone and put my words into action. Not only did I surprise others but also I surprised myself. Once I saw my hair hit the ground I knew there would be no turning back at that point. That same feeling I had then I have now. I am comfortable and comfortable is not something I can settle with for long. I am at this stage in my life where things are falling into place but its time to shake something’s up. I am at a point where everything must go and it’s time for shit to get weird. I am ready to feel challenged, scared yet brave at the same time, and ready to widen my boundaries. I always say is life is for the living and I am ready to get to it. There are just a few changes that need to be made before I enter this next stage.

 Realizing who contributes more negativity into my life than good.

You know, the miserable that always desire company. Those people have to go. I am all out of second chances and my patience is running on empty. There is no way in hell you can be that unhappy. I need love around me at all times, not someone who’s only interest is the love life of others. Or about the picture they just posted on Instagram. Not interested.

Ridding myself of worries for things I can’t control.

   Lately I have formed this habit of worrying about things that serve me no purpose. For example, I let others vent to me with their problems that only result in me trying to make their problems my own. This may sound really shitty, but I can’t let other’s problems effect me. I literally cannot. It’s not healthy and those problems weren’t written for me. God has a plan for me and those problems aren’t in it.

Stop searching for the light and become it.

Another thing I realized is no one else is going to just make my life perfect for me. No one is going to give me all of the answers to life’s problems and things aren’t going to just fall into my life because I think they should. No, I must become my own light in whatever path I am on and lead my way. While doing so, I hope to help light someone else’s way too.

Cut off loose ends

By this I mean rid myself of everything that doesn’t tie into where I want to be next. I need to rid myself of bad habits and strive towards a better future and an even better Jackiee. Sometimes holding on to things can only hurts more in the end.

Lately I’ve been thinking and talking a lot about change, but I think its because I am currently living it. Everything has a season and I am ready to for my next season to begin. Xo- J

What is your Personal Legend?

Life, Lifestyle, Spirituality

“When a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his dream.” – Paulo Coelho

Recently I decided to reread one of my favorite books, The Alchemist. I had many reasons for wanting to reread this book, however, the main reason was to try and relate it to my present day life rather than how I related it to it in the past. When I first read this book, which was about 9 months ago, I was working third shift and needed something to pass the time. I decided to read this book because it had such good reviews, and was told it would open my eyes to new things. At that time, I wasn’t really looking for anything specific, but I completely missed the messages that I received reading it the second time around. Upon reading it the second time, one of the many messages I received was to discover my personal legend and go after it. If you haven’t had the chance to read The Alchemist I won’t spoil it for you and tell you the main character’s personal legend however, I will speak a little about mine.

For those who aren’t fully aware of what a personal legend is, it is your life’s spiritual purpose. It is an unwritten code of conduct that you want to live by, it is your life’s ultimate purpose. When I first read this book I was not at all thinking about my life’s purpose, or the future years ahead, I was just reading to read. This was my first mistake. My second mistake was not retaining anything that I had just read. It’s almost like it went in one ear and out the other. I wasn’t truly engaged and focused. Now that I’ve had the chance to reread it I wish I would have obtained those messages then versus now. Although my life has changed drastically since then, I probably could have used those messages along the way.

For me, my personal legend doesn’t consist of becoming this overly famous person with tons of money to blow. However, it does consist of success and happiness, no matter if it leaves me rich or just comfortable. I simply want to live well, and by well I mean full of faith, courage, knowledge, strength and in accordance with my true spirituality. I want to live my life to its full purpose and enjoy it along the way. I want to know that I’ve impacted the life of at least one person and do something that I can be proud of. I know that right now my personal legend may seem a bit vague, but I am only 24 and I still have a lot to experience and learn. “When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” I know that my personal legend consists of me becoming better and I want to make sure that my everyday life allows me to do so.

One of the main reasons I enjoy writing is because it allows me to push out the millions of thoughts I have roaming around in my head. But it also pushes me to make those thoughts become reality. It’s easy to think about something over and over again without actually doing it. But once it’s out there on paper for the world to see, it makes me want to strive for it even more. Not only am I sharing my personal thoughts with others, but it’s also my way of letting those who have these same thoughts know they have my full support. For those who like to shy away from this topic or believe that it’s not something they need to worry about at this moment. Know it’s not a bad thing to wonder what your life’s purpose is. Never keep yourself from aspiring to learn your true personal legend. If you want it, the universe WILL help you achieve it. – xo J

Why I Left My Job

Change, Lifestyle

One day when I woke up, I took a look around and everything about where I was mentally and physically just did not sit well with me. I was not happy. I decided if I wanted things to change I was going to have to be the one to change them. So I picked up and left, with little notice and little mention to anyone. Not a worry, not a fear, not a doubt in my mind. I knew I was going to be ok either sooner or later.

I left to find peace and I also left to find myself. I know I have mentioned this before but that just goes to show how important the two are to me. When I started my new job, it was like a page within the chapter of my new life. It was a fresh start something I appreciated more than anything. Slowly but surely, I found myself becoming much happier and a different person. I felt at ease, something I was looking for. However, as I always say, life comes at you fast and everything that glitters isn’t gold.

That shine soon began to fade and I started to feel my light beginning to dim. A place that I felt brought me joy soon began to bring me agony and I started to lose sight of the person I was working so hard to become. Don’t get me wrong the work wasn’t hard and I was damn good at it. However, the environment became too toxic and I felt myself starting to change and lose focus. That was not what I moved here for and that was not what I wanted for myself.

When I decided to look for new work, I prayed on it daily and forced myself to greet everyday with a smile knowing I wasn’t happy. I had to literally force myself out of bed each morning and drive damn near 30 minutes to a place I was looking forward to leaving. They always tell you to speak up for yourself and express when something is wrong. However, what they don’t tell you is the price you pay when you do. The back and forth, the constant looks over your shoulder and the constant disrespect. Three things as an adult you don’t want to deal with in a professional setting.

Once I heard back from the job I wanted most, I knew my time was up. Not only did I put my two weeks in professionally, but also I gave notice of even doing that. I soon began to feel a weight being lifted and I also felt a little more at ease. But once again, if there is not one thing, it surely is another. From the moment my two weeks were received it felt like the more drama came along. It got so bad that I felt like it was greeting me at the door. That there was another sign I could not ignore.

The toxicity started to spread and I was up for battle everyday I walked in the door. Yet again I found myself guarded and on defense and that was something I was not about to stand for. There’s no way in hell I should have to deal with the bullshit daily and I’m the only one dealing with it. Not only was someone who was supposed to be my higher up acting as a child, but she was also showing me that she was weak. I intimidated her and even when I kept to myself I was still doing better than her.

So this is why I left my job. I left to restore my peace. I left to brighten back up my light. I left to catch that person I was close to losing. I left because life is too damn short to live another day miserable in a place that only wishes to tear me down. Lastly, I left because I know God got me. Nothing about my decision left me uneasy or scared. When you give God your problems he will give you his peace and that is what I know. I left my job because there is a season for everything and my season was up. I left my job because my purpose there was fulfilled and God has another project for me.

“He will get you through this better than before.”

I will say this, don’t quit unless you have something planned, but don’t stay if it makes life unbearable. I took my leap of faith and just like I expected, God got me. If you trust him, he will have you too.