One day when I woke up, I took a look around and everything about where I was mentally and physically just did not sit well with me. I was not happy. I decided if I wanted things to change I was going to have to be the one to change them. So I picked up and left, with little notice and little mention to anyone. Not a worry, not a fear, not a doubt in my mind. I knew I was going to be ok either sooner or later.
I left to find peace and I also left to find myself. I know I have mentioned this before but that just goes to show how important the two are to me. When I started my new job, it was like a page within the chapter of my new life. It was a fresh start something I appreciated more than anything. Slowly but surely, I found myself becoming much happier and a different person. I felt at ease, something I was looking for. However, as I always say, life comes at you fast and everything that glitters isn’t gold.
That shine soon began to fade and I started to feel my light beginning to dim. A place that I felt brought me joy soon began to bring me agony and I started to lose sight of the person I was working so hard to become. Don’t get me wrong the work wasn’t hard and I was damn good at it. However, the environment became too toxic and I felt myself starting to change and lose focus. That was not what I moved here for and that was not what I wanted for myself.
When I decided to look for new work, I prayed on it daily and forced myself to greet everyday with a smile knowing I wasn’t happy. I had to literally force myself out of bed each morning and drive damn near 30 minutes to a place I was looking forward to leaving. They always tell you to speak up for yourself and express when something is wrong. However, what they don’t tell you is the price you pay when you do. The back and forth, the constant looks over your shoulder and the constant disrespect. Three things as an adult you don’t want to deal with in a professional setting.
Once I heard back from the job I wanted most, I knew my time was up. Not only did I put my two weeks in professionally, but also I gave notice of even doing that. I soon began to feel a weight being lifted and I also felt a little more at ease. But once again, if there is not one thing, it surely is another. From the moment my two weeks were received it felt like the more drama came along. It got so bad that I felt like it was greeting me at the door. That there was another sign I could not ignore.
The toxicity started to spread and I was up for battle everyday I walked in the door. Yet again I found myself guarded and on defense and that was something I was not about to stand for. There’s no way in hell I should have to deal with the bullshit daily and I’m the only one dealing with it. Not only was someone who was supposed to be my higher up acting as a child, but she was also showing me that she was weak. I intimidated her and even when I kept to myself I was still doing better than her.
So this is why I left my job. I left to restore my peace. I left to brighten back up my light. I left to catch that person I was close to losing. I left because life is too damn short to live another day miserable in a place that only wishes to tear me down. Lastly, I left because I know God got me. Nothing about my decision left me uneasy or scared. When you give God your problems he will give you his peace and that is what I know. I left my job because there is a season for everything and my season was up. I left my job because my purpose there was fulfilled and God has another project for me.
“He will get you through this better than before.”
I will say this, don’t quit unless you have something planned, but don’t stay if it makes life unbearable. I took my leap of faith and just like I expected, God got me. If you trust him, he will have you too.